It's up!

Just to update, the Christmas tree is up! It's fun to have it up, and even the Grinch himself said he liked it. We turned on some holiday tunes and went to town on it! I think Gavin was getting in to it when he yelled, "I get to put the angel on the top!" Um..ok (giggle) go right ahead! He even hung some of the special ornaments that I have. My special ornaments are actually for Skyler. There is a bell ("everytime a bell rings, an angel gets it's wings!"), and angel on a glass cloud, an ornament that my mom wrote Skyler's name on, and a little candy cane that was made by a friend for Skyler. Knowing that they were special, Gavin grabbed a couple and hung them carefully on the tree. It hurts knowing that something as silly as an ornament is how I celebrate Christmas with my son. As I hung the last ornament, my heart broke, and the tears started flowing. Gavin was right there to hold me tight. He didn't say a word, just help me. He knew, and he understood. It was an emotional night, but it was a good night. Hopefully it will a tradition that will stick with us through the years.

'Tis the season!

It's Christmas time. The stress is raising, the snow is falling, and the Spirit is missing. The first two are pretty normal for the season, but I had to fix the last part! Gavin kept telling me that we would get my Christmas tree out of storage this past weekend. Saturday he worked with Dave for a bit. Then Saturday evening we went to visit his brother and sister-in-law. She has back problems like I do and she was in a lot of pain. I knew I could help her and to me that was more important than getting my Christmas tree. Besides, we had Sunday...right? WRONG! I was excited to get the much needed decorations until Gavin said he didn't want to go anywhere. Well hell! Now what?! Wait ANOTHER week?! Sure..fine..whatever...UNLESS you are me! Yep you guessed it...yesterday I went to my storage unit myself and got the decorations. Murphy's Law states that whatever you need is going to be buried in the very back. And it was. But that wasn't going to stop me! EASY PEASY...I unstacked the boxes, rearranged totes, and left an hour later with a car full of Christmas! I got home, unloaded the car, and started pulling out the decorations! The garland is strung, the stockings are hung, and the Christmas tree is up....but not decorated! After all that work, Gavin wasn't in the mood to decorate the tree. He said we would do it Tuesday night after he got home from work, and after we got back from helping my sister with her computer. UGH...fine...my back hurts way too bad to argue. I really want to decorate it together, as I think it is important to carry on past traditions and to welcome new ones. We used to decorate the tree as a family, and that is something I want to continue with. However, now it is time for a pain pill and a nice hot cup of candy cane tea to help apologize to my back for lifting and moving all of the boxes in the storage unit. My back currently hates me and is letting me know it by aching with every move I make!

The hole in my heart...

Lately I have been missing my son Skyler so much. Perhaps it is all of the healthy babies that have entered our lives lately. It just makes me wonder...why me? I saw this poem and thought it was so neat, it actually brought a tear to my eye! When you have a baby die, it is a feeling that you will never forget. It is also a feeling you will never get over. There is an emptiness that remains. Nothing can fill in this hole in your heart or in your soul. The smallest thing can make you cry. A baby's laugh, a baby's cry, a song, a memory...it happens all of the time. I know this will never make anybody understand how I feel, but that is a good thing. I never want anybody to experience this pain. I thank the Gods everyday for Gavin. He is as close to understanding as I think somebody can come. He gets frustrated with me, and for that I can't help. Perhaps he feels I should get over it, but I can't. He has been to the cemetary with me, and he has wiped some tears. I'm sure there will be more soon, as the holidays are near. For now I will end this, as it is making my eyes water. I will leave you with this poem, it seems to say so much! I love you Skyler Layne Jensen, you are my baby angel!

What makes a Mother
(author unknown)

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.'


But God, can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.


I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say:
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.


My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."


So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.


So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize
You are a Mother until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And you know you're the best one!

Dresses...DONE!

Bless those "Black Friday" sales! Amazingly enough, I was able to take advantage of the sales to get dresses for my maid of honor, bridesmaid, junior bridesmaid, and flowergirls! All of the dresses cost $185...AMAZING! Let me introduce my line...

First we have Katie, the Maid Of Honor. I have known Katie for at least a good ten years! She has been with me through a LOT, and I love her dearly.


Then we have Dani, the Bridesmaid. I have known Dani for quite a few years as well. She is a great friend, and I love her and her family tons and tons!


I have a Junior Bridesmaid in my line, and her name is Morgan. Morgan is Gavin's niece, and soon to be my niece as well! Her mother is Jana, Gavin's older sister. I love Gavin's family and can't wait to be an official member!


Kaylee is one of my flower girls. She is my sister Sharon's daughter. She is a princess (just ask her!) and tons of fun!


My other flower girl is Cecilia (Cili). She is my sister Lori's grandaughter. She is such a sweet little spirit and says the cutest things!


These are the girls that will be assisting me in my big day. Thank you Katie, Dani, Morgan, Kaylee, and Cili for helping me out! I love you all!

The other engagements...

It sure is a good thing we had more engagements done, since our originals are still lost. (Such a mess!) I am happy with most of the new ones, and I haven't yet heard that I look mean. (I am mean, I just never knew it showed!) Here are some of the pictures that people have liked ...










There is even more exciting wedding news in the Taylor family! Gavin's sister, Dayna, is getting married. It sounds like March will be their magical month. Gavin's nephew, Matthew, is getting married in May. He popped the question to Bree on Sunday! Last but not least, Gavin's brother Richie may be hearing wedding bells in 2010 as well. It will certainly be a busy year for the Taylor family! It will be a year of excitement and growth for sure!

LOST!

The frustration has started! The super duper US Postal Service (at it's finest) has lost our engagement photos! They were sent first class mail, and a confirmation states they were delivered on October 23rd at 8:43 am. We don't get our mail that early, and I don't know anybody that does! So who got our photos? They don't know. I've been calling the post office every stupid day, and all I get is "we'll look into it, and I'll call you back." Yesterday I was told that the carrier doesn't recall that package. DUH, how many packages do they handle a day?! Can't they track it?! It has confirmations, that should count as something...right?! So, needless to say, somebody in Layton, Utah is chillin with $100 worth of my engagement photos. I'm pretty sure THIS is how the term BRIDEZILLA came about!

Engagements and dresses...

It has been crazy lately! We had our engagements done, and it was interesting to say the least! We found two people that would do it for free. One of them makes you buy the prints, the other will give us the disc and copyrights. The first guy was Brian, and his company is momentcaptured.com. He was awesome, but I wish he was a bit more creative with the poses. I bought some of the prints from him. One of them is on the opening page, and this is another. I was told somebody thought I looked mean, I was kinda bummed at that!



The other person that did photos has not gotten back to us yet. I was a bit upset over this, but I can't say much since she didn't charge me! I contacted her today, she said I could pick them up on Thursday. YAY!!! I'll post some when I get them!

I had an appointment at David's Bridal last week to get an idea of wedding dresses I liked. I found a few! I for sure thought I needed my Maid of Honor (Katie) or my Bridesmaid (Dani) to be with me to help out! Katie is out of town on business, and Dani was sick. I had another appointment today, and Dani was to meet me there. Unfortunately, I got there and there was no Dani to be found. Since it was five minutes until my appointment, it was too late to reschedule and I had to go through with it alone again. I have another appointment for next week. Hopefully that one will go better! It's hard narrowing down the dresses you love when you're alone! I have 3 that I really liked. (At least I narrowed it down a little bit!)